K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Vodka?
Forever.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
