the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
