we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
