He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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