I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
