I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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