It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
