I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
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