Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
