I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
