Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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