I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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