my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
