and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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