We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
We named our party play list daddy issues
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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