i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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