There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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