Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
pop tarts are not kleenex
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
