We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
