is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
