she woke up with a sticky ear
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
