I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
