This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
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