'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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