The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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