No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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