FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
