apparently the secret to your success is patron
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
