I think i sorta joined a cult last night
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
