Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
