i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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