So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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