final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
