Ambien. No doubt about it.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
