Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
