what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
