So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
