I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
