oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm like, not good at living.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
