there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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