So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
