I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i came on her dog
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
