Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
