I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
