Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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