so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
