Don't make out with my wife yet
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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