Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
