Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
