it wasn't lemon gatorade
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
