I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
