I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
