I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
